For those of you who are new to the term. Polyamory or consensual nonmonogamy, is the practice of having multiple intimate relationships, whether sexual or just romantic, with the full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. Polyamory is generally not gender-specific; anyone can have multiple partners of any gender.
After years of monogamy, I kept trying to find partners with that I could fulfill their needs, and they filled mine equally. Love became difficult as a person who likes to live alone and thrives in solitude.
I’m someone who loves to give a lot of myself. I love to love. What I want in a partner can’t be found in just one person. Frankly, it was unfair of me to keep trying to try and find fulfillment that way. I don’t think that would ever be my path forward.
All that said, my entry into this new path of relationships has not been easy. First, you must ensure you are aware of how you are feeling and be open to communicating those feelings often.
You give a lot more of yourself. However, I have more clarity and psychological safety in my relationships now than ever when I was monogamous.
The second thing to know is that you can’t be poly, and have poor communication. Well, you can, but it will cause lots of issues in your partnerships. I have two partners, both are solo poly’s with multiple partners.
Want to know how I found my partners?- Read on below…
I am a very picky person, so for me picking out a partner was a bit of an experiment. Usually, when I looked for someone in the past, I looked for someone to build my life with. Having life building at the center of the basis for your relationship is a huge responsibility, and it is a lot of pressure. Removing that expectation was what I needed to feel freedom. I met both partners online, feel free to message me if you want the exact apps, and with both we did extensive talking online prior to meeting. We aligned on expectations, what we were looking for in a partner, religion, political affiliation, what type of interactions we both prefer, whether we had any partners, the last time we had STI testing, hobbies, favorite colors, favorite books, literally everything under the sun. The best part is, I know what to expect from my partners, they know what to expect from me. I always know where I stand because we have check-in’s. I am in my 3rd year with one partner, and almost at one year with my second.
There can be a tendency to compare relationships, but that is very unhealthy. I treat each relationship independently and with the utmost respect. It is important to me to maintain distance between the two in my mind even though they are very similar in personality type.
If you are interested in learning more about Polyamory, there is a great community on Reddit. https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/
If you are a reader like me you can check out The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy and Dossie Easton
If you have questions about my experience, you can email me and ask, but I keep my boundaries pretty tight. If I had to give one piece of advice, I would say this life isn’t for everyone. Also, poly only works if you are open, and you have clear communication. Anything less than knowing exactly where you stand at all times should be unacceptable for you.
Sending love and light to you all.
5 responses to “Why polyamory?”
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What does it mean that your partners are solo poly with multiple partners? This seems like a contradiction.
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Solo poly means that you are a solo person with multiple partners and no primary partner. A primary partner is generally a live in partner or spouse.
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This sounds like an overly complicated term. Just saying. Not judging. But if it I need an explanation of it it, isn’t it too complicated? I feel like if you want to have a number or partners, isn’t polygamous good enough to describe that?
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It’s a term commonly used in the Poly community, but I can understand why it’s confusing. But all new terms and phrases should be researched within context to be understood.
Also, Polygamy means to be married to multiple partners.
Thanks for asking questions, I’m always happy to help people see my POV.
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Ahh. Thank you for the explanation.
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Adventures of a Lonely, Bookish, Black Girl 
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